Of Past Regret and Future Fear
by FutureTVwriter
Summary: Warning: it's dark, I'm sorry. Olivia and Elliot raid a biker house and it goes horribly wrong. "I said hand over your gun sweetheart." E/O. Please Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Of Past Regret and Future Fear**

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: Warning: it's dark and twisty.

"Should we wait for backup?," Olivia whispered outside the front door of the large abandoned house on James St. where they knew members of a biker gang guilty of brutally murdering and desecrating a rival biker were camping out. Elliot and Olivia had their guns out already, they knew they weren't going to wait.

"We called it in, they'll be here soon. Let's go," Elliot said as they got into position to break down the front door. Elliot kicked the front door in and they rushed inside. They found two bikers in the living room drunk and mad that the detectives had just smashed in the front door. Elliot and Olivia, being sober and already standing, had the upper hand and quickly began to place the two under arrest. Just as they were about to put handcuffs on the two another bigger biker, Mitch, emerged from the kitchen.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in my house?" he snarled angrily as he threw his beer can to the floor.

"Placing you all under arrest for the murder of Timothy Smalls." Olivia replied as she tried to get her biker to turn around.

"What gives you the right to break down my front door?" Mitch asked infuriated.

"It's not even your house big boy, you're squatters here aren't ya?" Olivia snipped.

"What'd you say to me bitch?" Mitch yelled as he quickly went after Olivia. Elliot had handcuffed his prisoner and moved to intercept Mitch from getting to Olivia. He pulled his gun out and held it in Mitch's face, "Not so fast." Mitch put his hands up and backed up a few feet.

"Not so tough now are ya?" Olivia sneered.

"Just smart that's all," Mitch replied ominously.

"That's a good one, now put your hands behind your back you're under arrest."

Little did Elliot and Olivia know that Mitch was playing it smart by distracting the detectives so that they wouldn't notice yet another biker coming into the room from the hallway holding a wooden chair over his head. He smashed it over Elliot's head sending his gun flying across the room. Mitch quickly seized it. Elliot was lying on the floor hurt but conscious. Olivia stood her ground and reached for her gun.

"Not so fast little lady," Mitch said holding Elliot's gun up in front her. "Hand it over. Now."

Olivia surveyed the scene in front of her. They were outnumbered, her partner was on the floor without a gun and they now had their own weapon pointed at them. She turned around to see if she could make a break for it out the front door but they were completely surrounded. The man who hit Elliot over the head with the chair grabbed the handcuff keys off of Elliot's belt and released his friends. It was four against two and judging by the weight and weapons of the opponents it was certainly not going to be a fair fight.

"I said hand over your gun sweetheart." Mitch said once again. Olivia had no choice; she took her gun out of her holster, placed it on the floor, and kicked it over to him. One of the previously handcuffed bikers picked it up and pointed it at them.  
"Chet, Brock, you two entertain short stack over there," he said referring to Elliot who had now gotten back up on his feet and was dangerously aware of the situation he and Olivia had gotten themselves in. "Me and Charlie are gonna go upstairs and teach this bitch a lesson."

Elliot and Olivia were acutely and painfully aware of the meaning of that statement. Mitch approached Olivia and grabbed her by the arm. Elliot became enraged and pulled his arm back to punch Mitch in the face. As he swung his arm forward it was caught by Chet who just laughed and pulled him backwards. This gave Olivia enough time to properly punch Mitch in the face, although it didn't do much good since he was considerably taller than her. She struggled to get free from his grasp and tried to kick him in the groin but once again he was too strong and tall for her to do any real damage and Elliot was being restrained by two men twice his size.

"Let her go!" Elliot yelled, the desperation evident in his voice.

"Oh what is she your girlfriend?" Mitch asked mockingly.

"We've got backup on the way, you don't want to add a charge of assaulting a police officer to your record." Olivia tried reasoning with him.

"For you sweetheart, I'll take my chances." Mitch responded sneering as he looked Olivia up and down. She struggled to get free as best as she could but it was no use. All he had to do was hook his arm around her waist and she was helpless to get free. Elliot watched the scene unfolding in front of him as Chet and Brock restrained him. He put up a good fight and got a few punches in but two against one are never good odds. As Mitch carried Olivia up the stairs kicking and screaming with Charlie trailing behind them Elliot got more and more enraged and being to thrash and kick wildly, doing anything to get away from them and save his partner. Olivia's screams get further and further away from him until he hears her being thrown down on a table. Elliot's sense of duty to his partner overwhelmed in and he mustered up enough strength to break away from the two men restraining him for a fleeting second and although they were much bigger than him that made him all the more faster. He sprinted away from them and up the stairs to get to Olivia. Her screams gets closer and closer and he stops short at the doorway to the room that they have her in at the sight of his partner pinned down on a wooden table. Charlie has her arms restrained over her head clearly hurting her while Mitch has her pants off and is using his knees to force her legs apart.

Chet and Brock bounded up the stairs after Elliot and were almost at the landing.

"STOP!" Elliot yelled as charged towards Mitch but before he could get near him Chet and Brock pulled him back again. Olivia turned her head and made eye contact with Elliot, her fear and pain etched on her face.

"Get him outta here!" Mitch yelled as he pulled his penis out of his pants.

"Stop! Just stop! Do you know how many years you'll get in jail for raping a police officer!" Elliot yelled trying to delay the inevitable.

"You said you were arresting me for murder man, you think I care about a little rape charge?" Mitch spat back.

Chet and Brock tried to pull Elliot back down the stairs but he wedged himself in the doorway and wouldn't move, if he couldn't stop what was going to happen to her he sure as hell wasn't going to leave her alone.

"What about you Charlie? You ready to go down for this?"

Charlie looked over at Elliot and back down at Olivia, "Mitch, I don't wanna do jail time maybe we should—"  
"I ain't stopping now!" Mitch yelled as he got closer and closer. Everything seemed to be in slow motion for Elliot, he was so angry he felt like he was going to pass out. All he could do was look into the fearful eyes of the strongest woman he knew while she experienced her worst nightmare. Mitch was within an inch of violating Olivia and all hope seemed to be lost, the two just stared deep into each other's souls, speaking their secret nonverbal language. A crash was heard downstairs as the NYPD backup finally arrived.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Author's Note: Well thanks for the positive reviews!**

* * *

"UP HERE!" Elliot screamed.

Mitch and the other bikers were stunned by the sudden arrival and ten NYPD officers including Cragen, Munch and Fin stormed up the stairs.

"Hands up! Everyone!" yelled a uniform officer as the team stormed the house. The bikers obeyed but Mitch threw Olivia to the floor before surrendering. Talk about adding insult to injury. Munch Fin and Cragen rushed up the stairs shortly after the uniformed officers and were stunned at the sight before them. Elliot prayed that Olivia would jump up and arrest Mitch like she typically would, like nothing happened. But a part of him knew that she wouldn't be getting up on her own this time. He rushed over to her. She was still crumpled on the floor and the only move she had made was to pull her pants up, not that she thought she had any pride left to protect. Elliot rushed over to her and knelt down before her, completely ignoring the bastards he should've been arresting. He placed his hand gently on her shoulder, "C'mon, let's get you out of here." She hadn't made a sound and allowed Elliot to help her to her feet and lead her out of the house with the rest of the SVU squad watching them go while arresting the bikers.

Elliot wrapped his around protectively around her shoulders and escorted her down the stairs and outside to the fresh air. She immediately stooped over and vomited the contents of her stomach. He held her hair back and kept a hand on her back to let her know that he was still there. When she was finished he silently led her over to their car and they sat down together on the hood.

"Just breath, Liv. It's over." He said soothingly as he rubbed her back. Her breaths were rapid and shallow and a chill would shoot through her spine periodically. She hadn't made eye contact or uttered a sound since leaving the room. Elliot kept his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulder.

The officers dragged the bikers from the house and Elliot watched closely as Mitch was shoved into a patrol car. He wanted so badly to run over and beat him to a bloody pulp but decided that Olivia needed him with her more.

Cragen walked towards the detectives sitting on the hood of their car and was disheartened to see that Olivia was clearly not okay. Elliot turned his head and saw Cragen approaching and gave Olivia a small squeeze to warn her. Cragen stood in front of them and noted that they looked like they'd both been through the wringer.

"How're we doing?" he asked, starting slow. Elliot just looked at him and then to Olivia. "Not good," was all he could muster.

"What happened?" Cragen asked, genuinely concerned. Elliot heaved a heavy sigh and looked up at his captain, defeated. "We were outnumbered and got….overpowered." he said, not wanting to go into vivid detail. Olivia shuddered. Cragen knew that was all the detail he was going to get for now and decided to change tactics. "Alright, you should both get over to Mercy and get checked out. We're gonna need to have both of your injuries….documented." Documented, Olivia knew what that meant. A rape kit. She inhaled sharply and tears began to form in her eyes.

"No," she whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Liv," Elliot began, thoroughly unsure of what he was going to say to comfort her.

"No no no no no," she went on, becoming increasingly louder and more agitated. Cragen and Elliot just looked at each other completely unsure of how to handle this. They couldn't imagine the sense of tragic irony going through Olivia's mind right now at the prospect of having to endure a rape kit after sitting in on hundreds of them herself. Elliot had heard it said that having to have a rape exam performed was akin to being raped all over again, he had never put much stock in this statement until now.

"Liv, we have to go to the hospital. Your wrist is hurt and I've probably got a broken rib or two."

She turned toward him and made eye contact with him for the first time since they were in the room together, "I can't have a rape exam" she said quietly but firmly. Cragen and Elliot's hearts broke but they knew it had to be done for her safety and in order to put Mitch away.

"Olivia," Cragen said wanting her to look at him, "you know we need to collect evidence…"

For the first time Elliot could ever remember he wished that there was another woman working on the squad if only so Olivia could have someone like herself to sit in on the rape exam with her. She was so good with the victims and now there was no one nearly as capable to comfort her.

"C'mon Liv, let's go." Elliot said as he led her into the front seat of their car.

Cragen pulled him aside for a moment before he got into the driver's seat. "Take care of her, and keep me posted."

"You got it Cap." Elliot replied as he got into the car and drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Olivia let Elliot lead her into the hospital and sit her down in the waiting room, she had lost her will to fight. Once she was seated Elliot headed over to the nurse's station to check in and kept glancing over his shoulder to keep Olivia in his sight. He wasn't watching where he was going and bumped into the nurse's desk causing his broken ribs to protest in pain.

"Can I help you sir?" the nurse seated at the desk asked him.

"Yeah my partner needs to see a doctor."

"It looks like you do too," the nurse noticed.

"No we need to take care of her first….she was attacked, we need to, uh, collect evidence."

"You mean a rape kit?" the nurse said.

Elliot cringed, "Yes."

"Alright detective, fill out these forms and I'll send a doctor right over." She said as she handed him a clipboard.

"Thanks," Elliot said as he turned and walked back to Olivia.

She was blankly staring into space and was only brought back to reality when Elliot put his arm around her once again. He didn't force her to make eye contact or speak but he never let go of her while filling out the paperwork. He knew her so well that he didn't even need her help filling out the forms.

A female doctor approached them, "Detectives?"

They both looked up, "Yes" Elliot replied.

"You can follow me," she said as she led them to an exam room.

They both sat down on the bed, Elliot could feel the nervous energy radiating off of Olivia. "Okay detective, I'm going to need you to get into a gown for the exam." The doctor said to Olivia. "Sir you might want to step out of the room."

Elliot looked to Olivia, "You want me to stay?"

She hesitated, weighing her options. It was bad enough that she had to have this done, but having Elliot in the room probably wouldn't be good for them in the long run. He had seen quite enough for one day. Besides, she was used to doing things alone.

"I'll be fine, go get those ribs xrayed." She said quietly.

"You sure?" He asked, giving her one last chance to reach out.

"Yeah," she said, "It's not like I don't know what I'm in for."

"Alright, I'll be right outside." Elliot wasn't fully convinced that she didn't want him there but he respected her wishes and exited the room. Olivia changed into the paper thin gown and laid back on the exam table.

"Alright Olivia I'm just going to—" the doctor said about to explain the exam.

"I know what you're going to do," Olivia replied sharply. "Let's just get it over with."

Elliot paced up and down the hall in front of Olivia's room. It felt like the exam was taking forever, what could possibly be taking so long? After what seemed like an eternity the doctor exited the room and Elliot rushed over to her.

"She's just getting dressed, you can go in in a minute…I gave her some pain meds for her wrist and bruises. They'll probably help her sleep too."

"Thank you doctor."

Elliot entered the exam room and found Olivia sitting on the bed. "Can we go home now?" she asked.

"Sure, let's go."

Olivia's eyes grew heavy on the ride to her apartment and she dozed off. The second her mind slipped into the subconscious she was hit with the image of Mitch standing over her leering at her body. She shot awake with a jolt and startled Elliot sitting next to her. "You okay?" he asked with concern.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up straighter, "Yeah, just a flashback." She said, out of breath.

"Take some deep breathes, we're almost there," Elliot said calmly. A few minutes later he pulled up in front of her apartment building.

He unlocked the door with his keys and Olivia immediately headed into the bathroom to shower. She took of her clothes and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She noted the bruises already starting to form on her waist and wrists but what shocked her most was the fearful expression plastered on her face. She barely recognized herself. She climbed into the shower and made the water as hot as it could possibly be. She scrubbed her skin until it was raw trying to get every feeling of Mitch off of her. The hot water eventually ran out and she was forced to vacate the shower. She ran a brush through her hair and threw on an old NYPD t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. When she entered the living room she found Elliot on the couch in pensive silence. She sat down on the couch next to him and he could feel the heat from the shower still radiating off of her body.

"Liv I'm so sorry," Elliot said, the pain evident in his voice. "We shouldn't have gone in there, I should've been able to stop them." he rambled.

"El stop, it's not your fault. We both decided to go in without backup. And you did stop him."

"Not soon enough."

"You wouldn't leave me." She reminded him, clearly grateful.

"Of course I wouldn't."

They sat in silence for a few moments, the events of the day running through their minds. Olivia got up off the couch, "I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep."

"I'll be right out here. Take your medication."

"Goodnight El."

"Night Liv."

* * *

An hour later Elliot had drifted off into an uneasy sleep on the couch when he heard Olivia yelling in her sleep. He ran into her room and began to shake her awake.

"Liv! Wake up!" he whispered as he gently shook her. She jolted awake sweating and shaking.

"Just breathe," Elliot coached her. She took several deep breaths and started to calm down. He got in the bed next to her and held her close to him. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as she drifted back into an uneasy nightmare wracked sleep. Elliot could feel her tense up as another flashback started and he rubbed her back gently until it passed. He drifted into thought and realized that this must be why there are so few female officers, especially female SVU detectives. The job is probably why Olivia has so few female friends and why she has none to confide in about her fears and experiences now. People have asked him how he can possibly do this job but he couldn't imagine how much harder it must be for her. How much her soul must be damaged, how much it takes out of her, and how much of herself she must sacrifice. He let himself drift off to sleep when he was sure that she was sleeping somewhat soundly next to him, her screams echoed in his mind and he knew they would haunt him forever.

The End.


End file.
